Things I remember the most.

I remember your face
I remember how humid It was that night
How the music kept playing in the background
I remember we were the only ones on the floor that night
But that didn't seem matter,
Nor did we realise it.
I remember how hot your breath felt against the side of my neck.
I remember breathing in the musky smell of perfume 
as I pressed my face against your coat that gently hugged your chest. 
I remember your racing heart 
And your deep breaths
I remember feeling you stiffen against my thigh
I remember how I didn't think of him that night
Or the 'Goodnight baby' message that I ignored 
I remember your beard and how it felt against my cheeks
How your hands gently grasped my hips 
as you took a deep breath against my bare skin.
And at that moment I knew you had undressed me 
Several times in your head
Before you asked me to dance
I remember smiling
I remember being happy 
Not the kind that lasts a minute and goes away the next
But the kind that makes your chest light and your head dizzy. 
I remember wanting more of you that night. 
I remember your eyes and how they mesmerized mine 
I remember how we did nothing but dance,
As if dancing was the only sort of love 
we needed to express at that moment.
And that was enough
Enough to keep the fire lit 
Enough to keep the lights on
Enough to strip you
Bit by bit.

Yours truly,
Painted Shadow

There are some things you just don’t know.

You don’t know what its like to love somebody
You don’t know what its like to hold someone in the palm of your hands
And clench your fists so tightly
That it turns your knuckles red
Because god forbid, if you loosen your grip for even an instant
They might just slip out from the rough edges and creases of your palms
You don’t know what its like to love somebody
You don’t know what its like to look at someone’s eyes
And not only see your reflection as they stare back at you
But to feel this massive explosion of so many warm things within your chest
And you can’t even think of the right words to explain it
But you know it feels like the way;
your cheeks heat up after that really good cup of coffee on a cold rainy morning
Or when your stomach is truly and scrumptiously satisfied.
You don’t know what it’s like to love somebody
Before the alcohol sets in
Before you drown out the smell of their skin from your sheets
Before you start scratching at the paint
You don’t know what it’s like to love somebody
To kiss their cheek
And feel relieved
and connected in more ways than one
And in that instant you know, nothing
Not even water has flowed this perfectly before
And it’s nothing like you’ve felt before in your mere years of existence and broken hearts
You know nothing has come close to feeling the way when your lips moved against theirs
It was then that you realized what it’s like to truly feel breathless
And for the briefest moment that your tongues kissed
You knew that this is going to be different.
You don’t know what its like to love somebody like that
You don’t know what its like to feel that way
You don’t know what its like to love somebody
To feel their skin pressed against yours
To smell the faint scent of their cologne on parts of you
Long after they’ve left your side
To stare blankly at walls
Only to realize you spaced out thinking of their nose or their fingers
Or that cute birthmark that they hide from
And you smile;
With the knowledge that no one will have that happiness
as you have at that very moment.
You don’t what its like to love somebody like that 
You don’t know how simple things seem to be then
Like how maths is just made of numbers
And history is written by the victors
And biology is just parts of your body.
Even as the rest of your world seems to come crumbling down
You still clench your fists
Tighter than ever
Because when the time comes to run
You have to be able to run and not let go of this new love
That consumes you
Run with your fists clenched shut
Run till your legs get weak and start trembling
Run till you can’t feel them anymore
Don’t let something that makes your heart beat so fast
And your eyes light up like fireworks
Slip away through those creases and rough edges.
Trust me.
You don’t know what it’s like to love somebody
Who loves you back.
You just don’t.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

I’m better near to you

She carried herself the way you’d want the future mother of your children to be. She throws her head back and laughs without a care in the world, which makes you fall for a her a little bit more. And then, when she realizes just how loud she laughed or wrongly assumed that she sounded like a hyena, she gives me this smile. It’s not an ordinary smile.Its how she tells you that she’s glad you can make her laugh. It’s THAT kind of smile. its the way her eyes light up as she grins back at me. And at that moment, that’s when I feel my heart drop to my toes, that’s when I feel light-headed. We hold a gaze for a while before she realizes there are other people in the room and she looks away; almost embarrassed. but I couldn’t move my eyes away. Not yet. They remained fixated on her. I didn’t care that the local band had gone through four songs and I was still staring at her waiting for her to stop smiling, so that I could finally muster up the strength to look away and not regret later that I missed how her face lit up like a thousand splendid suns.

Just then, she looked back at me and caught my eyes still gazing at her. Her hand grazed my knee as she asked if I needed some water fearing that I was getting too drunk. I felt my entire body stiffen and then all at once, I was paralyzed as her fingers grazed my skin. I was getting drunk though. Although, not on the glasses of alcohol i chugged down my throat to keep myself from grabbing her by her hair and kissing her, but I was drunk on her. Drunk on how her hair dropped down her shoulders, and how her hips swayed as she walked, mesmerizing every male in her path, and how she smiled leaving me breathless and motionless. I was drunk on who she was. On who I wanted her to be.      Mine.


Yours truly,

Painted Shadow





Maybe tonight I’ll call ya

After my blood turns in to alcohol.

No, I just wanna hold ya.

Tell me where you are tonight. I don’t want to be lying here on this bed wondering how something that happened in the past wont let its talons off but instead keeps clinging on to me,and continuously and successfully draining every breath from me. Tonight, I want to hear you sing. I want to watch you sing. I want to feel your eyes burn through my soul as you glance up and look at me. I want that feeling again and again tonight. I want to smell you and I want my clothes to smell of you. I want my skin to smell of your musky cologne and your fresh linen. And I want you to sing to me.Tonight, I want to be anywhere else with you but here. Cause I know you can do that. I know you can take me from here;and lift me to places I’ve never been and make me feel things I know you can make me feel. Tonight, I want you and all your selfish thoughts. Your selfish thoughts and your ridiculous charm. Your beautiful voice and your smart mouth. Your guitar and your scruffy beard. I’m not hesitant. I’ll be selfish. I’ll be daring. I’ll be wrong. I’ll be damned. I’ll be something I’m not. Just tonight.


Yours truly,

Painted Shadow.


I like the way you taste on my lips. I like how the moment it does, shivers go through my spine and the hair at the back of my neck rises. I love how only you can do that to me. I like how fruity you taste sometimes. And the sting on my lips at your first taste is exciting and excruciating. It’s a dark desire that fills my thoughts and drives them over the edge. I like that you can be bought. I like that you have a strange yet wanted way of numbing my bones,of making my cheeks heat up and my lips cold. But most of all, I love that I can never have one fill of you. I’ll always want more of you.

Yours truly,
Painted shadow Continue reading

A cynic.

You remind me of heartbreak
You remind of sadness and sad things
You remind me of hot humid nights that make you suffocate in your sleep
You remind me of bugs that crawl all over something that just died
You didnt inspire me
You had everything,
my dark days and my silver linings,
but not my soul.
You never inspired me to write,
Instead you condescendingly brushed it away like it was meaningless
like so many other things of mine.
and I let you. I let you take everything I had left
And I loved you for it.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow