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An Open Letter to an Ex Friend

Dear you,

A friend breaking your heart always hurts more than a lover doing so. 00d3cff43aa61afd3c3471ec86bea04a

I wore black today. I thought wearing black would be appropriate as I was mourning the death of our friendship. Black dress, black ribbon, black shoes, even black underwear. I removed my sparkly earrings and wore a black necklace instead, with the word ‘Karma’ hanging from its center. It burned like a hot blade against my skin. I refilled the vodka flask that I spent the night before emptying, with black
coffee instead. I had to stay awake for the funeral. I had to “mourn my loss.”  But that’s when it hit me. That’s when I realised that it wasn’t a loss. You see, death usually implies something that was taken from you unwillingly. Someone taking something from you without there being much of a choice.

You had a choice. You had a fucking choice. But you decided to kill our friendship anyway, because it meant nothing to you. It was a murder. Cold blooded, blue murder.

I should have worn red instead. I should have worn my set of white pearls and donned my darkest shade of red lipstick. I should have laughed and clawed at your corpse. I should have thanked you for showing me that we were never friends to begin with.Trust and loyalty meant nothing to you. You were right when you said “I’m not like  the others”. You are far worse. The others never had the heart to do what you did. The others cared. The others were human. You were different. You were the worst. I only wish I had known sooner.

I hope one day, karma finds home in your arms. I hope one day, karma scratches its name in to your skin. And I hope you remember forever how it feels, to trust someone, only to find out that they threw everything away with just a snap of their fingers, without a care in the world. As if you meant nothing.

Dear you, this is the end. I would ask you to Rest in Peace, but I’d be lying.

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

 

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I choose you.

Dear you,

I know it’s tempting and I know its exciting. I know it gives you goosebumps and I know it also makes you feel alive. But you can’t keep playing with fire and expect not to get burnt, every single time. You can’t keep cutting yourself and expect not to see blood, every single time and you can’t rip your heart out of it’s prison cell and toss it to the wind, hoping someone would bring it back. You’re not invincible. You’re not fire proof. You can’t keep doing this over and over again. At some point, you’re going to have to choose yourself.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

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Heartbreak Warfare

Despite what they tell you, despite what you’ve heard over and over; two broken halves don’t make a whole. Two broken halves never quite fit back the same way, even with the world’s best glue and tape. There will always be missing pieces, missing fragments that got swept under the sofa or lost between the floor boards. And my darling, we had lost so many pieces, growing up. We had lost so many fragments and pieces of ourselves in corners and clenched fists around world, that our two halves, never quite made a whole.

There’s this thing about loneliness. Once you get used to it, once you get good at it, it’s hard to go back from that. And for that, I am sorry. I could never be your whole, despite you desperately wishing that I was. Despite you desperately wishing that I could be.

You see, despite the lost pieces, I had made a whole by myself – gathering up pieces I thought I needed along the way. Gathering up pieces I didn’t think I needed, desperately trying to fix my own puzzle. When you came along, I thought maybe you were a missing piece, but you were your own puzzle. My darling, you were your own puzzle, desperately trying to find your missing pieces. And it killed you, that I wasn’t one of them.

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

 

 

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Send My Love To Your New Lover

Your skin is a mirror of last nights dirty sheets.

Your tongue; a bottle of daisy cologne.

Your clothes are stitched from twisted truths and a dark motel room.

Your eyes sparkle with 5 shades of lust.

The nape of your neck; throbs with bruised red scars

from teeth marks and lipstick that wasn’t mine.

 Your fingertips; calloused and rough spent the night carving highways on someone’s else body.

I admire how your 10 stride walk up to me

was effortless and graceful.

The least you could have done,

the least you could have done,

the least you could have done,

was to delete last night’s pictures from your phone.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

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You and I.

I am a jar of butterflies and moths. I am a novel of ‘Uhmms’ and nervous twitches. I am a balloon of confidence and smart comebacks. I am also a sack of positive soul food. I am a bowl of excited chatter and hysterical rants.I am greedy and love. I am everything that is allowed to be. I am torn and stitched together. I am bruised and flawless. I am hot water in a quivering glass. I am a ticking grenade at a Christmas dinner. I am always fight and win. I am precious moments and heartbreaks. I am everything.  Continue reading “You and I.”

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Simple Things

I haven’t taken drugs before;
But I swear I got addicted to the colour in your eyes
Before you said Hello.

I haven’t taken drugs before;
But I hallucinated and daydreamed
after you said my name.

I haven’t taken drugs before,
But I knew what withdrawal felt like
when you said Good-bye.

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

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Hungry Eyes

Warning: This blog post contains explicit content of a sexual nature. Minors and People with severe heart conditions are advised not to read further. 

The music kept playing in the background, although I lost track of what they were singing about when I noticed the way your breathing changed. It was half way past dinner or dessert, I don’t remember much of it now. But your breathing got harder and you managed to swallow your food down in a hurry that I’d never seen before. Except you weren’t hungry for the food on your plate. You didn’t take your eyes off me from the time we sat down and with each sip of whiskey that soaked your lips, the hunger in your eyes grew darker.

It wasn’t long after that we decided to have drinks at your place. the elevator ride to the 7th floor was no easy feat. You were quiet and biting down on your jaw as I saw it twitch. The elevator was a sauna of intense fire and raw silence between us.

As I stepped in to your apartment and you closed the door behind you, everything else that followed was a blur that sent my mind in a whirlwind of lust, whiskey and the smell of your cologne.

You turned around and backed me to the wall of your apartment and inhaled my breaths. your face inches away from mine and yet you waited. you kept breathing me in with your lips inches away from mine. I was left paralysed but the scene of it all. I wanted to kiss you. and before another thought could occupy my mind, your lips engulfed mine and your tongue danced hypnotic dances with me and again I was left paralysed. I hadn’t been kissed with such intensity and hunger before. This was a revelation. This was euphoria.

Your hands gripped my right leg and swung it around your hips while your mouth was still planted on mine. You didn’t wait any longer, you could already feel me dripping through my thong. You stuck two fingers in directly and pushed them in me. You continued to move them back and forth, getting faster and deeper each time. You loved that my legs shivered and buckled while you fucked me with your fingers leaving me gasping for air as I sank my teeth on to your neck.

Suffice to say, we didn’t make it to the bedroom the first time.

Legs quivering and unable to stand on one as the other one was still wrapped around your waist, I felt you throb against me. You needed this as much as I and that sent shivers down the small of my back making me more wet with the thought of your throbbing cock pushing deeper and deeper in me.

You knelt down and took off my thong and skirt and started to lick my thighs and all that’s dripped over. You moaned deep cuss words as you tasted me. While your tongue created swirls over my clit, you gazed up at me. Your eyes a different, darker shade of hazel pierced my own as you saw me fall apart under the magic of your tongue. You were going to devour me and I knew it. THIS was euphoria.

Sensing my obvious frustration of not having your cock in me yet, you carried up me as I wrapped my legs around you, with my back still against the same wall.

I can not believe we hadn’t even made it to the hall and I was already being licked till my legs buckled.

I hadn’t noticed but he had removed his white shirt, jeans and boxers that now lay crumpled in a pile along with my clothes next to the door.

I was ready, he knew that. He tasted my eagerness and knowing he needn’t ease in to me,he thrust in to me in a swift hurried motion.

I let out soft moans as I clung on to his perfectly sculptured arms. My arms wrapped around his neck, I sank my teeth in to his shoulders and he pounded further and harder in to me. My body was a bundle of shivers and moans. I was dripping wet around his cock and he groaned and swore out loud at the sensation.

My head was spinning and the room was already humid as our bodies were sweating from the heated sex against the wall of his apartment.

We both climaxed together and he gently lowered  me on to the floor and fell back next to me. Heavy panting and thudding hearts we both lay on the floor gasping for breath while looking at the ceiling.  The apartment was blanketed in darkness. This time, we were both paralysed, unable to move following the aftermath of the tornado that engulfed our naked bodies.

We moved to the bedroom after a while and repeated the process again and again with the same intensity and hunger as the first time.

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow