Bad Liar

I was told to look both ways before crossing the street

I wish someone warned me to do the same

When I stuck my head out of the window

And puked myself out

I wish someone pulled my back

And warned me that my heart would follow

But, no one ever dares to warn you before

No one ever dares to interfere

Until you’re hanging out of the window

Begging the car to drive faster.

They just wait

and watch

and breathe

until it’s too late.

You see, my world belonged to thieves and bandits

Black bandannas and pistols

Stolen hearts and tied wrists

I cheered as they stole pieces of my memories

Pieces of my life

Piece of who I am

I cheered as they tossed it to each other

Like some treasure on a runaway train.

One bandit named me the runaway train

While the other called me the coal that fueled it

They convinced me.

I begged the bandits and breakers

The thieves and robbers

To be a line on their book,

Or a phrase,

Or a metaphor.

See I had fallen in love

I had fallen in love with being dismantled

And no one dared to warn me

That I could get addicted to it.

 

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

Strawberry Moon

 

In 24 years, I’ve probably seen you a million times.
In 24 years, my skin has reflected off your glow probably 
 half of those times
In 24 years, I’ve never seen you shine as much as you did tonight
Tonight you are iridescent.
Tonight you are all shimmer and shine
Tonight, you are hope.
You are deep howls in the forest
And you are fish swimming upstream
You are changing tides
And you are love thriving on the beach
You are promises made on pinky fingers
And you are celebrations felt in bright red cups.
I’ve heard of poets who write sonnets
and authors who write paragraphs about you
I’ve listened to them comparing you to a dozen other things
Hoping against all odds,
against all measures,
that they could justify your beauty and shine.
But they fall short, each time.

Dear moon,
The entire universe does not rotate around you.
Today, you are the universe.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

Send My Love To Your New Lover

Your skin is a mirror of last nights dirty sheets.

Your tongue; a bottle of daisy cologne.

Your clothes are stitched from twisted truths and a dark motel room.

Your eyes sparkle with 5 shades of lust.

The nape of your neck; throbs with bruised red scars

from teeth marks and lipstick that wasn’t mine.

 Your fingertips; calloused and rough spent the night carving highways on someone’s else body.

I admire how your 10 stride walk up to me

was effortless and graceful.

The least you could have done,

the least you could have done,

the least you could have done,

was to delete last night’s pictures from your phone.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

50 Shades of Fuck You

I saw 10 shades of green when your tongue tasted like cologne that wasn’t mine.

My eyes painted walls in red and fury when your skin smelt like last night’s sheets.

My fingers dug to the corners of the wall as I saw the nape of your neck;

slightly reddish and purple with teeth marks that didn’t take the shape of mine.

Your clothes smelt of twisted truths and a dark motel room

Your eyes; brewing a storm of pure lust and guilt, fixed on mine

As your brown locks fell flat against your head the way it usually does after a shower

Your fingertips; calloused and rough felt like it has already carved highways on another map.

You were always a fan of highways though;

High speeds in a fast car were your addiction

It was your desire

It was your calling.

I cradled you to sleep that night

cause you were ‘Sorry’ for the 15th time

And I lay motionless

caught in the web of your torments and jagged edges.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

Letters to Humans.

Dear Human
I felt that.
I felt that sudden impact of thunder against my ribs
And the shrieking pain that felt like lightning shot through my body
I'm sorry I tried to ask you for food again.
I was just hungry.

Dear Human,
I felt that
I felt the thick chains around my ankles
As they dug in to my skin that is usually built quite thick
But you managed to defy nature
As you draped me in cloth and lights
And made me parade the streets which were surrounded
by noise and fire
and humans and more noise.
I was scared
The drums didn’t stop.
I'm sorry I wanted to run.
I just wanted to taste life again.

Dear Human
I felt that
I felt the pain when you took away my fifth litter.
Before I could feed them from my own breasts
I watched you leave me there again
Closed off and surrounded by rusted metal bars
To rot in my own blood and faeces
I watched you close the door
Until it was time again for your new car.
I'm sorry I got sick and you couldn’t get that car.

Dear Human
I heard that.
I heard the continuous screams and shrieks of terror in the other room.
I can smell it too,
The smell of blood
The smell of my blood.
But it all went quiet
When that noisy machine stopped.
I’m sorry for being there.

Dear Human,
Can you feel me?
Can you feel me on the back of your shoulders and the soles of your feet
As you continue to live
I can.
Can you taste me?
At the back of your throat and the stems of your gut
As I claw my way through to satisfy the pits of your greed
I can.
Can you see me?
Die and writhe in agony
As you slaughter and maim me
Just so you could feel better about yourself?
I can.

Dear Human,
Despite what you believe
I feel pain too.
I feel scared.
I feel love.
I feel gratitude.
Though my language is galaxies different to yours
It doesn’t make me less worthy.

Dear Human,
I was part of God’s creation too.
You weren’t here first.
We were.

Yours truly,
Painted Shadow

Wishful Thinking

I would sing you a song

in 7 different languages

if that meant

you would look up at me just once more.

My fingers would make love

to the piano keys

until it screamed out orgasms in your ear,

if it meant

that I could; not only hear

but watch my name roll off your tongue.

I would place my lips to yours

and drink the sound of my own name

before it started to spill from the edges

of your carefully placed smile,

If that meant

that I belonged to you

for just half a second

on your tongue.

I could breathe

the fumes of that last cigarette

you held between your fingers,

even though I am repulsed by the mere mention of it,

if it meant

that I could feel this way

about someone again.

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

I’ve Told You Now.

Maybe this is karma

maybe this is nature's way of

holding a big 'Fuck You'  board for me.

So this is most likely karma

for ripping that boy's heart out.

The first boy who showed you love,

The first boy who could have loved you.

One day, you suddenly decided you needed to move on,

and you ripped his heart out the following night

So maybe this is karma

for destroying all that you deserved

for destroying that sweet

innocent heart that wanted nothing more

than to be loved by you.

And you did for a while,

My god, you loved him

with everything you had in you.

But none of it mattered

because you ripped his

fucking heart out.

So the love letters,

and the kisses

and the dried red rose from your first valentines together,

that still sits on your table;

none of those mattered anymore

because you did the one thing you shouldn't have done,

You stuck your hand right in to his chest

and clutched his beating heart around your frozen fist

And you didnt even stop to breathe

or think about it,

You clenched your fist, beating heart and everything

tighter and tighter.

The throbbing beating heart pounded against the concrete walls

of your fingers and palms

trying to break free from this new prison.

That used to be a palace;

A home for this beating pounding warm heart.

Clenched fist and hammering heart,

you pulled your hand right back out

from his quivering body

and you didn't even blink.

You destroyed him

and you didn't even blink.

So, this is your karma

This is how you get to feel

This is your karma.

I’ve Got You Under My Skin

Trying to fit words in to comprehensible sentences

Trying to make some sense

of the tangled mess in my mind,

that I call love and infatuation and other good things.

Thoughts, strong enough to spin their own webs

Memories and Moments of you

drunk enough to excitedly

dance on each shiny web string

I think of you then.

Your eyes before we kissed

Your lips before we kissed

Your hands before we kissed

Your breathing before we kissed

How the world stopped spinning

when we kissed.

I am left breathless.

I want more.

More than this.

Give. Me. More.

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

Drown Myself in You

Write about the lines on my hand, he said.

I smiled back.

I could have written about the sparkle in his eyes

Or the knowledge on his tongue

I could have written how his kiss left my knees weak

I could have written songs

About how his fingers felt

pressed against my thighs

I could have sung melodies

From his soft, careful kisses on my neck

or how the stubble on his cheeks

turned up the heat on my own

I would have written so many things about you.

I would have written on more than just the lines on your fingers

I would have written books about you

But I couldn’t tell you that.

 

 

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

Edge of Desire

A part of me wants you in the most innocent way possible;
Waiting to kiss you at the end of our long day
Watching you walk through the front door all wind-swept 
and relieved to be back home
Leaning down to plant the softest kiss on lips that had craved for your touch 
since that morning
Listening to you slowly breathing as you drift off to sleep
A goodnight kiss,
Waking up and seeing the light of a thousand suns peak back at me
As your eyes flutter open,
Kissing your forehead,
A warm embrace and a smile forms on your lips
You plant a soft kiss on my lips
And wish me a good morning.

&
Another hungrier part of me wants you in the most carnal way possible;
Waiting for you to walk through that door and pin me against the wall
Grabbing my hair and kissing me while your tongue savages mine
Listening to you breathing heavily over me
As we hurriedly clamber to bed,
Clothes strewn all over the floor like a trail
Panting and exhausted, we fall asleep with our legs entwined
And your face nuzzled against my neck,
Waking up and seeing the light of a thousand suns peak back at me
As your eyes flutter open
Kissing your forehead,
As a mischievous grin forms on your lips
And I feel you harden against me
Hungry again.
And we’re tossed between the already rumpled sheets
Between moans and giggles
You fall back breathless,
You plant a soft kiss on my lips and
wish me a good morning.

I want you, in every way possible.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow