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I’ve Told You Now.

Maybe this is karma
maybe this is nature's way of
holding a big 'Fuck You'  board for me.
So this is most likely karma
for ripping that boy's heart out.
The first boy who showed you love,
The first boy who could have loved you.
One day, you suddenly decided you needed to move on,
and you ripped his heart out the following night
So maybe this is karma
for destroying all that you deserved
for destroying that sweet
innocent heart that wanted nothing more
than to be loved by you.
And you did for a while,
My god, you loved him
with everything you had in you.
But none of it mattered
because you ripped his
fucking heart out.
So the love letters,
and the kisses
and the dried red rose from your first valentines together,
that still sits on your table;
none of those mattered anymore
because you did the one thing you shouldn't have done,
You stuck your hand right in to his chest
and clutched his beating heart around your frozen fist
And you didnt even stop to breathe
or think about it,
You clenched your fist, beating heart and everything
tighter and tighter.
The throbbing beating heart pounded against the concrete walls
of your fingers and palms
trying to break free from this new prison.
That used to be a palace;
A home for this beating pounding warm heart.
Clenched fist and hammering heart,
you pulled your hand right back out
from his quivering body
and you didn't even blink.
You destroyed him
and you didn't even blink.
So, this is your karma
This is how you get to feel
This is your karma.


I stare at walls hoping that something would guide me to another dimension where everything makes sense. I take life as it comes. I reside in which is now known to be the fastest growing city in the Middle East, Dubai. Surrounded by fake greenery and dusty air, I long for rain. I long for rain to drench my very being, untill i feel nothing but clean and revived. I dream of happy things and i know for certain that Peter pan and pixies and fairies and Santa exists. I know. Because theres no point in not believing. Im a child. I am a grain of sand. I am a speckle of dust in this polluted world. I am a spirit roaming the end of the earth, trying to find that wall. (Read the page Painted shadow for details)

2 thoughts on “I’ve Told You Now.

  1. You’ve gotten so much better at this. The anguish and the fury, I must say, does seem real. Exceptional piece, Gillian.

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