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Is it really just another crush?

Do you remember your first crush?  You were so nervous to tell that person. You would be nervous and not know what to say because that person would always leave you so breathless. When you’re a teen and you want to tell your crush you like him, there are so many ways you plan on telling him. writing a note, passing not so subtle hints, etc. You’d just find all the courage in the world and tell them. because you were naive and innocent and pure. You didn’t know of heartbreak. you didn’t know of rejection or disappointment. You just knew that everything will be fine. You were optimistic. You lacked knowledge and experience. You were growing.

Fast forward a couple of years. You’re legally an adult now.  And before you realize you find yourself crushing on someone. Everything feels almost the same, except that it happened almost a century ago. When did it become so hard? There’s a reason we continue with our education. So that we’ll have an endless list of vocabulary and 50 million ways to express our emotions. But its like the more we learn and the older we grow, we cant seem to find words to say to people. You’re no longer a teen, and you’re not as naive as you were. Your past; all the charms and frogs made you dark and cold. Your heart was broken, you broke hearts. You rejected. You disappointed. And had the same thing done to you over and over again. And you survived. Barely though. Barely enough to pick up the pieces and stagger along.

But you grew up. You changed. You weren’t innocent anymore. And you desperately tried to not get hurt again and again.

So when did it become so hard to tell someone how you felt about them? When did it become so hard to dive head first? When did you become scared of your own words and feelings that you decide to hide them away long enough so they wouldn’t exist? or long enough to convince yourself that they don’t exist?

It’s not healthy. It’s not practical either. It just makes you cold and withdrawn.


Yours truly,

Painted Shadow.



I stare at walls hoping that something would guide me to another dimension where everything makes sense. I take life as it comes. I reside in which is now known to be the fastest growing city in the Middle East, Dubai. Surrounded by fake greenery and dusty air, I long for rain. I long for rain to drench my very being, untill i feel nothing but clean and revived. I dream of happy things and i know for certain that Peter pan and pixies and fairies and Santa exists. I know. Because theres no point in not believing. Im a child. I am a grain of sand. I am a speckle of dust in this polluted world. I am a spirit roaming the end of the earth, trying to find that wall. (Read the page Painted shadow for details)

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