I dislike my indecisiveness. I dislike my uncanny ability to swing between extremes – to sometimes be so predictable and at other times not. To want something so much and yet hold back from everything. To want to share everything and nothing. I dislike how I’m so paranoid at times yet try to convince myself that nothing bad will happen. I dislike that I trust everyone so easily despite promising myself several times not to. Despite being shown several times that I shouldn’t. I dislike when some people point out my flaws. Yet I feel flattered when they notice it. I despise how I can hold a grudge and be so stubborn.
I despise my ability to speak with such conviction about being okay and wanting certain things and then doubting my very belief the next. About how I think of my next move and what consequences will follow as a result. About how everything is a circle with no proper beginning or end. Except a song. Or a relationship. I do things blindly almost as if I have blind faith.
Wouldn’t it be nice to do things and not worry of the consequence?
I think my unconscious self-preserving self is holding me back. The self that wants different things from me.