I wish I knew how to feel sometimes. I wish there was a manual or a book on how you’re supposed to feel during certain situations. Cause there are times, when my body just goes completely numb and I feel nothing. No pain. No anger. No love. No joy. I feel completely isolated from myself and cold. Sooner or later, everyone in your life right now will hurt you. Intentionally and unintentionally. If you can name one person who hasn’t hurt you yet, they will. It’s just a matter of time. And the worst part about the whole thing, is when you let your guard down and you get attached. And then when it finally happens, when they finally do what they’re meant to do, you cry. Like a helpless little animal, you curl around yourself and pour your eyes out.
On a completely different note, I’ve been trying to move on without dragging my past baggage. You can’t really move on and start a new life, when there’s so many old things wearing you down. So how do you get what you want? How do you get what YOU want without settling for anything less? You want whats best for you. For the first time, how would you get what you want? Because after all you’ve been through, you deserve everything. you deserve the good story. The kind that makes you smile with tears in your eyes. The kind that make the bottom of your thumb tingle. You deserve the laughter and the long tight hugs. You deserve waking up with a smile on your face cause you know it’s going to be a good day. And most of all, you deserve to move on without the baggage from your past.
P.s. This piece might seem a bit haywire and misplaced, it’s because I haven’t written in a while and now everything’s just pouring out from my fingers, splattering all over the page.