Shadows and you.

If I could write about every single thing. i would. if sometimes, it wasnt such a big challenge for me to connect the dots and tell you how I feel through my words, I’d do it all the time. My mind inhibits this lost shadow that belongs to this girl. She sits in a big green garden, which is divided in half. The grass on one side, IS greener than the other side. This is the garden that everyone talks about. that everyone wants to run and frolic and dance on. The green part of it.

She makes up her own mind. Shes dark and lonely. She’s content and feels loved. She’s misjudged and misguided. Shes growing and rising above it all. She’s paranoid but is always right.

I feel queasy. An uneasy, unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I blame you. It’s the feeling of what to do next. Run? or stop.Cause i don’t know.

Hypocrite.Revenge.Karma. I pray that something lifts me up and sets me down in your warm arms. I need to forget and stop thinking. About you.about me. about us.about them. Cause thinking doesn’t help. You’re not my escape. Today, you’re not. You’re the enemy.The hunter.The murderer.The one that seeks revenge. The one with the two minds. How do I run from the one person who I usually run to?

You’re manipulative. You’re stubborn. You’re scared. You’re the reason I weep.I hate to admit that I do for you. Cause right now, you’re my enemy. No one weeps for their enemy.But I do. Cause my enemy makes me feel like nothing could ever go wrong, like everything’s so fucking perfect. I’m insane to ever love the murderer, but its something i cant control.

Save me. You’re my saviour. Dont drown me. Dont suffocate me. Resuscitate me. Give me life. Dont make me hurt.and pain.and suffer. We’re getting in to unsettled territory.No man’s land. Something that’s not us. Something that’s not you. or me. Its them. Blame them, cause they’re alone. and dark. and paranoid. and hypocritical. Not you. Or me. Stop. Stop. Stop spinning me in to unkepmt dangerous waters. Spin me in to your arms instead.

Yours truly,

Painted Shadow

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