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A 5 letter scary word

I don’t want to grow up. It’s scary. The idea of living by myself, studying or working or even both, scares me. The idea of being away from home scares me. The idea of doing all the grown up stuff that adults do, scares me.  The idea of grocery shopping and buying other household items scares me. The idea of being independent shakes me. Every child wants to grow up. Every wants to leave their parents protective nest and fly away. Every child dreams of being an adult and doing your own things, going wherever you want to. Every child dreams of this. Of freedom. I did too. At one time I wasn’t scared of the one thing i was looking forward to. I was ecstatic at the idea of living alone, being independent and standing on my own two feet. Something’s changed. And I’m not looking forward to it anymore. I’m scared. Those dreams, those hopes of wanting to be grown up seem very silly now. The idea of loving someone that you met as a stranger, the idea of dating people you never knew scares me. The idea of one day having to settle down and start a family, petrifies me. One would think that the older you get, the more enthusiastic you become as you approach adulthood. I am excited about standing on my own two feet. It IS the RIGHT time. But am I ready to? No. Not as much as i thought i was. Life’s unfair. We all agreed and have come to terms to accept that one fact that we hoped was a lie. But why do we still complain?  I don’t want to grow up and do things that an adult does. It’s scary. I don’t want to be called an ‘adult’. It’s a scary word. There are loads of responsibilities and strings attached to that 5 letter word. Those 5 letters makes a huge difference to life and how we’re supposed to approach it. What if I’m not ready to leave my teenage years? What if I don’t want to? Does it matter? No. Because it happens anyways. Whether i like it or not. Some part of me IS looking forward to the future. But the other isn’t. And I’m scared to think which one is bigger. So I’m hoping for the best.

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Author:

I stare at walls hoping that something would guide me to another dimension where everything makes sense. I take life as it comes. I reside in which is now known to be the fastest growing city in the Middle East, Dubai. Surrounded by fake greenery and dusty air, I long for rain. I long for rain to drench my very being, untill i feel nothing but clean and revived. I dream of happy things and i know for certain that Peter pan and pixies and fairies and Santa exists. I know. Because theres no point in not believing. Im a child. I am a grain of sand. I am a speckle of dust in this polluted world. I am a spirit roaming the end of the earth, trying to find that wall. (Read the page Painted shadow for details)

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